Saturday

It’s been a tough first wek back and I’m still not entirely in my groove in this job. Everything is so uninspiring! I continue to write e-mails to people asking for jobs so we’ll see what happens there.

I miss Mr A. I don’t think I’m going to get to speak to him at all today as I’ve spent far too much topping up my phone this week. Long distance is too hard a nd too painful. I need to end this distance!

Today I went into Heswall with my mum and we had a look around. I bought some foundation, a long over-due purchase to cover up my zits and scars. I never have made the best of myself apart from for the odd interview or party so now I want to pamper myself and take pride in how I look. I also purchased a new concealer and some blusher. This came to £17 which is a decent price for tubbed confidence.

We had a coffee and then a look in Linghams Bookstore. I purchased a £2 Penguin copy of The Tempest as I figure my study of literature shouldn’t end just because my school days are over. I still have to keep my passions alive but this time, no teachers to hassle me about homework or essays!

This reminds me of a conversation with Mr A. When we were in Cordoba last week, the capital of Al-Andalus all that time ago, he told me how he had dreamed of going to Spain as a little boy and visiting the parts that remind us of that former Islamic empire. For him, history is an exciting, living story and when it comes to his roots, he feels an affinity with those Muslim relics. For him, visiting Cordoba was like going to his spiritual home. History is a powerful subject for him, and for me, literature is one of the things I miss about my school days.

I need to finish reading Sophie’s World before I begin anything else.

Life between work

I’m trying to keep the posts coming more regularly. It’s nice to write something that’s not a cover letter for a job application.

I’ve spent the last few evenings looking for vacancies on-line. I’ve sent a few e-mails. It’s so frustrating when you don’t even get a response.

Some academies ask for a photo. I don’t have any passport photos and I would have to get one wearing lots of make-up with my hair immaculate. Most passport photos make me look half-dead.

I get on my high horse about this tendency to request photos as they are surely going to favour certain photos over others and I do think this aids unfair discrimination.

So I’m not a happy bunny right now. I’m being very moody about my job. It’s only part-time but I travel nearly as much as I work per day and when I get home, the world seems like night. I sit in front of the computer and read blogs, write emails to people who’ll never write back and then get into a sulk that I don’t have much of a life between coming home from work and going back into work.

I’m in desperate need of pampering. I do not remeber the last time I did this as we are a typical TV/laptop family and time goes nowhere.

So tonight, I’m off to have a bath and try to read some more Sophie’s World.

Catch ya soon!

Lar Doce Lar

Which means home sweet home in Portuguese.

It was my first day back at work today and everyone said I should have stayed there. My jobs list seemed somewhat confused like I suddenly had less responsibilities on my first day back and my paranoia makes me think it’s because I’m rubbish at my job, though I do try my best. Then again I am prone to paranoia.

I brought in some Turron and the birthday girls whose birthdays I missed got a fan each.

The job is only part time and for this reason, I’m not earning enough. I saw an advertisement for cleaners so I may call the number tomorrow. That may well top up the hours which means more flights to Spain while I look for a permanent job out there.

I know I said I hate Spain, but really it was just me being negative. When I put my positive specs on, I realised that I was just a little afraid of leaving everything behind. Spain’s really not bad, and especially not Cordoba where I spent all of Saturday. I have sent a couple of e-mails to some academies with my CV. We’ll see what happens.

My poor little sister got her heart broken this weekend so I am sleeping in her room.

I’ll speak soon xxx

I need to get my photos processed as I can’t find the digital one and was using old fashioned single use cameras. I’m hoping to get a disc instead of prints so I can Facebook them.

Don’t forget the bananas!

Mr A made me a belated birthday cake.

It’s got banana in it and raisins. It’s lovely.

My dad loves bananas. Eating a banana is the answer to all life’s problems, especially health related ones. I like them but I’m less enthusiastic. He once sent me a text of a photo of a banana saying “don’t forget the bananas” when I had, prior to this text, sought his advice on my feeling less than my sparkly best. That was just in case I forgot what a banana looked like.

Once when I was in a certain church organisation volunteer programme, we had to sing a song which went “Go…bananas, go, go bananas” complete with silly actions which I (contrary to my usual character traits) thoroughly enjoyed.

What is it about bananas that are so amusing?

Pause for thought

I’ll try to be a better blogger from now on. I’ve been reading some blogs and I think people are so talented. They write in such a way that their lives sound like an adventure. I doubt that everyone’s life is that much more adventurous and interesting than mine, unless you live in a war zone. There is something in how they write, however, that gets people interested in reading the next entry.

When interesting things happen in my life, I am not in a writing mood. Then I’ll compose a catch-up post that takes the form of a list.

I’ll try to tell my stories in continuous prose from now on, for no-one else’s sake other than my own.

Spain

I’m in Spain visiting my love and I really love him but this country does my head in. It makes me feel like life here is so…lifeless. I prefer busy cities to quiet places. I want to bring him home with me.

Christmas Thoughts

Below is my note entry on Facebook. I thought I’d post it here as well.

Celebrate it or not. this season is truly spell-binding. The Christmas spirit has truly entered my world. I’m feeling much less depressed than November and this Christmas is making me happier than the last few years. Here are a few ideas why:

1) I’m not a student anymore. I’m a proper, real-live grown-up (almost! I still have to pinch myself at the thought ) and the reason for living is going to work and earning money. I’d prefer to be travelling with my sweetheart, but you need cash to do that. So when a happy holiday comes around, you’ve got to make the most of it.

2) I’ve got a lovely guy and being in love at Christmas is THE BEST THING. All the romcoms remind you of this fact. Christmas and romance are tightly intertwined.

3) I said a few, so a few means at least three. I think I’m starting out and I can decide who I get cards off and who I by presents for without feeling politically bound to sending cards to Miss X because it’s the done thing. Those getting cards this year are my friends, that’s all there is to it. And since my mother said you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand (I’ve still not established if a thumb counts!) then that’s a very quick job for me!

4) This is the first year I’ve not had to borrow money in order to buy prezzies. These prezzies are all from my bank account and my heart.

One of THE most important aspects of Christmas is, of course, Christmas TV viewing. Those who know me know I indulge in “cultured” activities like speaking French and whatever. It’s nice to pretend you’re sophisticated and knowledgeable (even if pretending is all it is at the end of the day!) but at Christmas, all efforts to pretend I am anything but a couch potato go out of the window in favour of the Christmas radio times (since the digibox guide is still not up to the job of informing my TV viewing choices).

This weekend has been lovely, with the Strictly Come Dancing Final (never been an X Factor fan!) and Chris and Ola as the star pair. I’ve not really been supporting it, but in the final it had to be Chris and Ola that I was rooting for since they warmed my heart. One scroogy thought, though. WHY is Alesha Dixon a judge? I simply cannot take her critique seriously since her only reason for being there is the fact that she was on it as a contestant. That’s not a reason! I could do just as good a job, spouting all that jargon, but when it comes down to it. She’ll never be a professional so she’s talking through her backside. Sorry, Alesha, nothing against you, hun, but any of us Newcastle Latin and Ballroom Soc members of 2000 and whatever it was are jsut as qualified and I wouldn’t dare voice my opinions next to Craig and my childhood heroine, Darcey. The coolest thing in the final was the Lindy Hop double hit yesterday as watching it, I could still remember the moves and it looked like so much fun. Am I alone in that when I watch Bruce, I giggle to myself at the Culshaw and Stephenson impression of him saying, “No no no, Rowland, not like that…”? I was half-expecting his duet with Alesha Dixon to be “Strictly…is the name of the game and I wanna dance the dance with you!”

Now, music videos. All the Christmas songs are on the TV. The usual suspects…but I’ve just seen Scouse royalty, Ricky Tomlinson with Christmas, My Arse on the 4Music channel and that made me laugh. Have I been hiding somewhere, because I’ve never heard that one before, and it’s always nice to hear something new. I also just saw the S Club Tots or Toddlers or whatever ever they called themselves singing Puppy Love and I’m getting a bit expert at good acting and bad acting. I should be a producer, because I was shouting at the TV “you’re smiling!!! You’re not convincing me! You love her she doesn’t know you exist, you can’t eat!! That smile is not working, CUT CUT!!!” And who is the young man’s little crush?? None other than Rachel Stevens. This is odd. Let’s think about this. S Club 7 is the “big” band and the S CLub Juniors/8/thingies where like the little sister/brother band. That makes Rachel Stevens his big sisiter in music terms, which means that this video is rather too incestuous for my particular tastes and therefore I shall not be voting them through to the next round of Britain’s Rapidly Running Out of Talent.

The weird thing is that I get soppy at Christmas, even liking my arch nemesis, Mariah Carey (not really arch nemesis, but I ain’t no sycophant!) with “All I want for Christmas is you.”

I’m seriously looking forward to The Royle Family although they seem more and more Christmas Special needs every year (bathing a turkey in soapy suds…honestly…the thickest person I know would never do that. Granted, my good mates all got first class honours degrees (bar stewards!!!) making me the idiot, but nevermind! I wouldn’t put a turkey in a bath. Mainly because I’m too lazy!)

Also, good old Gavin and Stacey…we’ll see if Uncle Bryn can’t put a smile on our faces…and then we’ll all be trying the Welsh accent out afterwards but when I do it, it sounds more like Indian, bizarrely.

The best bit about Christmas is not the alcohol for me, as I refrain from drinking these days. No loss at all, since I’m forever being asked if I’m on drugs anyway on a daily basis (naturally hyper. Must be all the e-numbers I consume!). No, it has to be the singing. I like to think I can sing. I’m happy with that thought, don’t say anything. Ignorance is bliss. Not the singing carols, just along to the TV and annoying my sister. That’s the cool, bit!

The Smoke…and why I don’t.

Life has been a bit mad.  Up and down.

Up because I completed the CELTA course and I managed to push up from a Pass to a Pass B which I am so proud of.  I know I got there because I worked damn hard and not because of luck.  For the first time in my life I tasted the fruits of really working hard for something I’ve wanted (apart from passing my theory test which wasn’t hard at all).  I’ve always coasted through my A-levels and degree with a push at the end, but CELTA for me meant steady improvement week after week and taking on board the suggestions of my tutors.  So I am immensely proud of my Pass B (it’s not as good a a Pass A but that was out of my sites so I don’t worry about things like that.  Pass was were I was and Pass B within my sites so I really achieved my goal).  I got the certificate last week with a report in it saying that I’d be an asset to any language school, and my tutor told me face to face some very complimetary things, although he told me to eliminate the nervous jibbery part of my personality to improve further. Hehehehe.  I said why hadn’t he put it like that before in the actual lesson feedback.  Maybe it would have worked better than the official term they use which is “grade your language.”

Afte CELTA finished, I got all down and sad feeling like I only had my job to exist for until I get to Spain where my love is.  I felt also that the intellectual part of my brain was not getting any sort of work out so I felt quite depressed.  With all this extra time, I had too much time for feeling low like nobody cared about me other than Mr S.  My uni buds have their own things going on and I don’t have many pals in Merseyside.  To fill my time, I meet up with a Portuguese girl to get that all back on track.  I help her with English, she helps me with Portuguese.  Fair enough.

Last weekend I had a marvellous time in London.  I was rather surprised.  It’s been some time since I was last in London and I’ve only ever had school trips or Soul in the City 200…4?  That was a project-based programme and so I only saw Trafalgar Square and St. Pauls.  This time, we spent three nights and two full days making the most of it.  We saw some great places like Portobello Rd which I remember the Ras from my old halls of residence going on about constantly.  I saw Covent Garden, which was beautiful and seemed like a posher Liverpool.  We saw the Apple Market where everybody exhibited their crafts and stunning gifts and a fabulous reindeer nearby illuminated for Christmas.

I visited Harrods for the first time ever and bought a present from the Arcade for the Love of my Life.  We went to China town and Westminster and Brick Lane and all over.  I overcame my fear of the London Underground.  I didn’t see any ghosts, sadly, but it was a marvellous way to get about.  We had Oyster cards which made life easy.  I blame the time spent on the Tube for turning my snot black (sorry to be so graphic, but I had to live it so you can all share in the misery!).  There was a spectacular Christmas Market and Winter Wonderland based at Hyde Park which would have been a great place to spend a whole day.  I’m happy to say that the Wish Fairy was conscious of my thoughts and has since magicked an amazing Christmas Market in Lord Street in Liverpool just for me.  I’ve only seen the closed huts being prepared, but I shall endeavour to make a visit there tomorrow or very soon.  I need a friend to go with.  Mr S is not here so I need someone else.  I’m not going to take my Portuguese friend as she insulted me by saying that Manchester is a better city than Liverpool.  People have been hanged for saying things like that to a Scouser!  You just don’t make unfavorable comparisons like that to me.  London was fab but Liverpool is where my heart is and Manchester doesn’t even enter the equation.

When I was in Harvey Nicks after visiting Harrods, I had to have a look at the clothes.  I looked at the clothes in Harrods as well.  We felt like we wanted a true impression of this world that we don’t belong to.  I glimpsed the price tags (okay, I deliberately looked for them!) and gasped at the idea of paying 2800 pounds for an ugly safety pin jacket.  I have no desire to ever buy any of these things but the curiosity makes me browse.  The shop assistants seemed very helpful, two of them asking me if I needed any help.  I felt like I was being watched by security for being a prole in an establishment such as this wearing my Accessorize hat and Primark coat looking rather indescreet.  I thought I’d set off a thought police alarm for not revering the articles within this shopping temple.   One assistant, on asking if I wanted assistance, to which I replied “No thank you, I’m just admiring the things I’ll never be able to afford” looked at me and said, by way of comforting this poor Northern oik “Oh, I’m sure you will be able to one day!”  Errr, yeah.  Because the whole aim of my existance is to one day afford Harvey Nicholls clothing.  Because nothing else matters.  Because my life is simply incomplete with out a dazzling wardrobe of designer clothing.  I cant’ imagine how I’ve come this far without taking my own life, reduced to a pitiful life of lower end of the range high street shops.  The shame of it.  I wanted to say that even if I had that sort of money, which is unlikely to happen on an EFL wage, I simply would not look any further than good old Mr John Lewis where I’m sure I can buy anything as beautiful.  That’s as up market as I would go.  I honestly did not see anything in Harvey Nicks or Harrods that appealed to me more than what you find in Jane Norman, New Look, Top Shop or Dotty Perks.  Maybe I’m vulgar and blind to the bountiful qualities to be found within HN clothes…but it would sicken me to part with that much cash on a cloth to cover my nakedness.

I’m now making lots of earrings to hopefully sell at a craft fair in November.  Will post some pics soon.

Update

Hi all,

Sorry it’s been a while.  The ironic thing is when your life fills up with great things to talk about, you don’t manage to blog about it all.

The two most important peices of news are:

I finished my ECDL with BCS IT level 2, and

CELTA is absolutely fantastic.  Hard work and tiring, but very much worthwhile.  I’ve completed three weeks of the part time course and it’s going great.  I’m learning a huge amount of information which wll serve me well in the future.

So, other than that, I’ve been fasting during Ramadan.  I did 19 days and the other days I was exempt for having a cold and other reasons that I won’t go into.  Now that I am not fasting, I genuinely miss it.  I miss experiencing a true sensation of hunger in my belly that makes me appreciate food one hundred percent.

Many people wondered why I should choose to do such a hard task.  At times, it was very hard and I struggled with the hunger, some days more than others.  I missed having a coffee to wake up and drinking water to moisten my throat.  I didn’t lose much weight, maybe about three pounds but then it goes up and down everyday.  I felt more patient during the fast and eating was wonderful come sunset.  Now, the eating doesn’t seem as special because I can do it whenever, so my body is fighting back and not getting very hungry when it should do.  I’m glad I could empathise somewhat with those who go hungry regularly with no choice.

In other news, thoroughly enjoying some great TV at the moment.  Alone in the Wild is a big hit for everyone.  Wonderfully eery in a way that reminds you of the Blair Witch Project.  I’m also watching Design for Life with the charmingly eccentric Philippe Starck who has opened my eyes to the world of bizarre interpretation of just about any product that I’m not sure I’d buy in either sense of the word…neither the product nor the conceptualisation.  Still, listening to his thick French accent always teaches me more and more about language…which many people know is a passion of mine.  I’m also tuning in from time to time to a show called “Tough Guy or Chicken” which, despite its stupid name, is actually intensely interesting.  I love learning about other cultures and how others live their lives and it’s great to se 5 of our own British lads getting stuck in to the traditional rituals of their hosts.  I think these men are being very tough  and  I think this is a great advert.  We ladies do not need men who run screaming from spiders!  Rather, we need to know we can rely on them to catch us a wild goat for supper if Tesco’s runs out.

I’m still designing my jewellery although not so much during the CELTA course.  It will be back and there will be a website soon to show them off.

Earrings and Arty Things

Over at sonrisasden.blogspot.com

I am interested in selling my things, but not all things are for sale.  I would make special copies of ones that are not for sale on request.  Paintings are not for sale and most earrings are.

I’m being very vague, I’m sorry.  Mostly, I just want your feedback.

K xx